Another stage



Forgive me for disappearing on you over the past ten days.  I've kind of hit the... um, well... the angry faze of this whole grieving process and to be honest, it an't been pretty.  Unfortunately I am somewhat stuck with myself but if you knew the rage going on within me I really don't think you would want to be hanging out too close.  It is very unpleasant and very uncomfortable but it is there.  This level of emotion is new to me since I'm not usually one to harbour such aggression but, now-a-days life is filled with unusual circumstances so I am going with it.  I am feeling, allowing and living with it and I am doing my best to manage this ugly stage in the healthiest way possible without ripping the head off some poor innocent passer-by.  And in case you're concerned about my gorgeous babes... yeah, I have been a little bit snitchy but we talk together, the three of us, and I have explained to them what this anger is about and I think for the most part they understand it has nothing to do with them.  As often as I can, I seek refuge within my personal methods for calm which in turn allows me to regained my mothering patience. 

Self care my friends, and lots of it!  There are walks along the beach and swims in the ocean.  Cups of happiness and regular sessions with Silvia (which, by the way, is stitching up faster than I've ever done before).  Cuddles with Evie and Noah and Rexie and Snowy.  Plus a good dose of journaling and I may have sobbed and bellowed at the stars one night.  But it's all in the name of healing right...?  Healing the healthy way.  Actually, who am I to say?  I am just doing it in the way that is right for me and my babes.  I am convinced however, that we will come out the other end all the more strong.  Hopefully we may even be a little bit wiser for having survived this life challenge.